Dr Robert Urquhart, the 408th person I’ve met on my quest to have lunch with 500 strangers, is about to embark on a voyage of discovery.

Robert has received a Churchill Fellowship grant to visit Britain, Canada and America to consult experts in the field of family and domestic violence – particularly involving children. At the end of his tour, he’ll write a report that discusses what motivates the perpetrators, how their violence affects children and what can be done to prevent it.

Robert is head of knowledge, outcomes and research at Barnardos Australia, a charity that supports vulnerable children. About 40% of children experience family violence at some point in their childhood. Robert was drawn to this work because of his desire to protect children; at the same time, he recognises that we need to try to understand perpetrators and even feel compassion for them – although he struggles with that last point.

Most perpetrators are men, and some experienced violence themselves as children. Their actions may be driven by feelings of anger, a yearning for control and a sense of victimhood.

This kind of violence is hard to stamp out, because the children may not realise it’s wrong, may be too scared to report it or may not be able to articulate the problem. Furthermore, as Robert explained, children who report violence are often not believed.

Robert is a really nice guy with a very open mind, who believes there’s still so much he feels he needs to learn. After all, what makes a person genuinely believe, in the moment, that inflicting pain on their children or partner is not just reasonable but also the best course of action? 

Perhaps, after Robert’s voyage of discovery, he’ll be closer to answering that vital question.